How do you choose between your head and your heart?
by AmberSmith123
Summary: Edward left Bella after a mis-hap at her 18th birthday party and never came back. Will she spend the rest of her life longing for Edward to come back? Will she repair herself, or be repaired? Will she ever be happy in love again? and what will happen when the past clashes with the present? read to find out.. (Please please please review!)
1. Broken

Rays of sunshine snuck through the gaps of my thin purple blind, I groaned and pulled myself further into my duvet to shield my eyes. ''Bella! Bella get out of that bed and come downstairs!'' Charlie screamed up the stairs. _Gheeze, no need to shout.. _I thought to myself as I peeled the duvet back from my clammy body. I hadn't realised how hot the weather had become, I was completely unaware of the month we were currently in so I had no idea whether it was supposed to be warm or if it was just a one off. I climbed out of bed and put my robe on, as I was coming down the stairs I heard Charlie talking to someone, _great. _''I need to talk to you so don't think about sulking back off into bed, go wait for me in the living room please Bella.'' Charlie demanded, I was about to argue back but the look he gave me warned me that it probably wouldn't be the smartest idea. I walked to the living room wondering what it was that was so important that couldn't wait, until suddenly I was yanked out of my thoughts at the sight of my living room being a complete different colour to the last time I was in here.  
''wait- wha- when?'' I stuttered confused. I knew that it had been a while since I came to sit in the living room, but I hadn't realised Charlie had completely redecorated. When did he find time to do this? How long did it take him? Why didn't he tell me, or ask for my help? Or more importantly, how long haven't I been in here for? It only felt like a couple of weeks ago I was sitting here with _him.. _I shivered at my last thought and went to sit on the sofa. Charlie came in wearing a big smile on his face, _mood swing much _I thought as he sat down opposite me.  
''Bells, look I'm worried about you okay? I'm trying my best, but I don't know what else I can do to make you happy again after...'' He trailed off shifting uncomfortably in his chair.  
''Dad, I'm fine. I don't need looking after I'm 19 years old not 9. Just stop pestering me and I'll be a lot happier.'' I snapped at him, instantly feeling bad when his expression changed to an overwhelming sadness. ''Dad, I'm not saying that I don't appreciate it, everything you've tried to do for me over the past year, but honestly, im okay.'' I encouraged to try to find a better reaction.  
''Bella, you're not 'okay' in any sort of way, ever since Edwa-  
''DON'T'' I warned. Charlie sighed but continued.  
''Ever since _he_ left, you've been a mess. He left you broken and you've not bothered to put the pieces back together Bella, I need you to try. I know he hurt you, and you're obviously still hurting but you need to try to move on. You've been moping around since the day he left, it's been over a year now Bella and your still isolating yourself from everyone and everything, you can't carry on like this honey, it isn't healthy nor is it helping you.'' He looked at me sadly, his eyes were glistening with tears and his cheeks rosy red. I could tell this little speech took him a large amount of courage, so I decided I'd be nice about the situation rather than scream and cry and make him feel worse.  
''Okay fine... I acknowledge that fact that I'm a little different, yes I'm a little hurt, yes I sulk a little but Dad, I'm not 'broken'. I replied hesitantly, not really knowing what to say. Charlie scoffed and raised an eyebrow. _Teary one minute and sarcastic the next, typical man. _I thought to myself sourly, though I think he knew what I was thinking as his face fell and he became soft and sad again.  
''Bella, sweetie, you've barely left your bedroom, you barely eat, you barely talk, you barely do anything at all but sit in that chair and stare out the window. I hear you at night you know, crying to yourself in bed, crying about _him_. If you're not broken then I don't know what you are, but you aren't normal. He glanced up at my face and looked even more uncomfortable than before. I looked down at the floor, completely unsure about what to say to him. I needed to tell him but I couldn't talk, my throat developed a lump in it which made it difficult to swallow, my eyes welled up. I closed my eyes trying to rid them from the tears when I felt Charlie's arms wrap round my shoulders and pull me into a tight hug, I buried my head into him, uncomfortable, but grateful for the display of affection.  
''Wanna know why I've not fixed myself? Why I've left me broken? I asked as I looked up at him, tears falling from my eyes.  
He sighed ''Of course I do''  
I've not fixed myself because I don't know how to, I don't know what I'm supposed to do, or how I'm supposed to do it. I feel so alone and all I want is Edward. I love him Dad, and he's gone, he's never coming back. I love him so much and I feel like I can't live without him, I feel like I want to die.'' At the last word my voice cracked and I started sobbing loudly. I felt Charlie stiffen at my last few words, I knew he must be in shock, but I was too upset to care.

I woke up to darkness. I was in my bed, Charlie must have put me here once i'd fallen asleep. I thought about the conversation I had with him that day, how awkward it had been for the pair of us, but how relieved I felt about him knowing how I really felt.

**Thankyou so much for reading! May be a little rubbish as it's my first ever chapter! Would hugely hugely be appreciated if you reviewed and help me tons! Would love to know what you guys think!  
Lots of love  
AmberSmith123 xo  
**

**Next chapter update will be the 8th of March. Late afternoon/evening time. Hope you all check it out!**


	2. A cup of Coffee

**Thank you so much to circus-of-madness for reviewing my last chapter, I hope you guys who read will take 5 mins to review! Thanks again!**

It had been three days since mine and Charlie's conversation. We had barely spoken, but I knew he understood how I felt now, and it gave me a sense of hope. It made me realise that just because _he_ had left me, it didn't make it the end of my life. I decided that day when I woke up that I was going to call my friend Angela and invite her out for lunch. I grabbed my phone and dialed her number.  
''Hello?''  
''Hey Angela, it's Bella.''  
''Bella! Hey! How are you? I haven't seen you in so long'' she sounded surprised to hear from me, I guess it had been a while  
''Yeah I'm fine, I guess I've been busy, sorry. Anyway, what's your plans for today? How does lunch sound?'' I asked hopefully  
''That sounds great, I'll get ready and be over in 30 minutes''  
''Okay great, see you soon.'' I disconnected the call. I felt extremely nervous, why? I hadn't a clue. It wasn't like Angela would judge me, no that was Jessica's job, she would be fine with me. It's just that I haven't been out in so long. I was pulled from my thoughts by the sound of a really loud engine roaring on my driveway, that was certainly not Charlie's car. I ran down the stairs and opened the door to find a stranger walking towards my front door.  
''Um, hey. Are you Isabella?'' The tall, blonde, blue-eyed boy staring straight toward me asked.  
''Bella, just Bella.'' I blurted out  
''Okay, just Bella. I'm Oliver, Oliver Cross.'' He held his hand out for me to shake, I looked down at it but ignored his gesture.  
''Why are you here? Who are you?'' I questioned, sounding extremely rude without the intention to be.  
''Oh i'm extremely sorry, where are my manners? I'm the son of one of Charlie's work friends, my father works down at the station with yours. He suggested for me to come and introduce myself to you, said something about us becoming 'great friends' ''He chuckled, but looked embarrassed once he saw my confused and annoyed expression. ''I'm really sorry Isab- um, Bella. I didn't mean to offend you, I'll go if you'd like?''  
''No, no. Don't apologise you've done nothing wrong. I'm the one who should be apologising, I didn't mean to be rude.'' I stuttered, feeling myself blush a dark shade of red. ''You can come in for some coffee if you'd like? _Coffee? COFFEE? why am I inviting this total stranger into my house? _I thought to myself frantically. I realised I was holding my breath waiting for a reply, and my heart was beating through my chest.  
''Sure, coffee sounds brilliant'' He beamed.  
I walked over to the kettle and suddenly realised Angela was on her way over, what would she think if she saw me with Oliver? _Crap. _I tried to think of a way to get rid of him but could think of nothing. I couldn't invite him in for coffee and then tell him to get out..  
*ding-dong*  
_crap, crap, crap! what am I going to say? _I stood on the spot, jumping around looking for a solution, there wasn't one. Angela would have to meet Oliver. _Why am I so scared? For gods sakes Isabella, get a grip, he's just a normal boy. _I scolded myself. ''Bella, are you going to answer the door?'' Oliver asked me raising one of his eyebrows. I searched my brains for an excuse as to why I was acting like a complete maniac.  
''Yes, I uh, had an itch. I'm going to answer it now.'' Was the first thing that I blurted out. _An itch? A BLOODY ITCH? maybe I was a maniac. _I ran the door and swung it open. ''Hey Angela''  
''Hey Bella, wow you look great! your hair has grown so long! Oh, you have a visitor, am I too early? I can wait outside.'' She looked confused.  
''No, no, it's fine he was just having a cup of coffee and then leaving.'' _Wow, that sounded rude. What is wrong with me? _''Would you like a cup?'' I added cheerfully, trying to make Oliver not notice my last comment.  
''Sure. So, are you going to introduce me to your friend?''  
''Uh, yeah. Angela, this is Oliver. Oliver, Angela.''  
''Please, call me Olly. Nobody calls me Oliver, unless I've been naughty of course.'' He flashed a grin at me. _Wow, his smile is beautiful. _''Pleased to meet you''  
''Pleased to meet you too Olly'' Angela totally recognised my face had become the colour of a tomato and gave me a questioning look. Could I not even talk to this boy without blushing? I handed Olly and Angela their coffees. I told them I needed to get something from my room and rushed upstairs. I looked at myself in my bedroom mirror. _What on earth is wrong with you?_ I asked myself. _Why are you acting like such an absolute idiot? _At that moment it dawned on me, that maybe, maybe, I could be attracted to this boy. _Oh god, no... _I promised myself that I wouldn't get into this mess again, when _he_ left, I promised I wouldn't get caught up with boys and other distractions of that kind in a long while. I suppose, it had been over a year though.. ''BELLA?'' Angela called up the stairs.  
''I'm coming, one sec Ange!'' as I came down the stairs I heard Angela asking Olly his plan for the day,_ oh good lord. _''He's probably very busy today, right Olly?'' I butted in to their conversation.  
''You'd think so huh, but actually no. I have absolutely nothing to do today, that's why I came and introduced myself to Isabella here'' I glared at him. ''Sorry, 'Bella'. Anyways, thought I'd make some new friends.''  
''Why don't you come for Lunch with me and Bella?'' Angela asked Olly, winking at me and looking extremely please with herself. I frowned and shook my head at her while Olly wasn't looking._ oh my god, someone kill me._  
''That's very kind of you Angela but I wouldn't want to intrude on your girlie time, I think I'll probably go to my friend Jake's and help him fix up the car he's working on. He nodded to himself thoughtfully as though he thought this was a pretty good idea.  
''Oooh, he sounds interesting. Who is he?'' Angela's face lit up at the mention of a new boy to makes friends with.  
''His names Jacob Black, he's my best pal'' Olly replied proudly.  
''Jacob Black? Billy Black's son?'' I butted in.  
''The one and only, do you know him then Bella?'' Olly looked overjoyed at the news  
''Yeah I know the kid, Charlie and Billy are old-time buddies and Jake and I used to play together as children. He's a nice boy.''  
''Hey, we should all meet up for lunch this week? Me, you two girls and Jake? be fun to hang out with someone other than his boring, battered cars'' He chuckled lightly. Angela looked at me, eyes wide, practically jumping up and down. _someone's eager. _  
''Sure that sounds wonderful, would you like my phone number so we can arrange it?'' I tried to sound pleased  
''Please'' He handed me his mobile. ''Tap it into my phone and I'll save it.'' I put my number in and passed his mobile back. I realised then that I was starving, how could I tell him politely to leave? ''Okay thanks Bella. You look hungry, I'll leave you two to go and have your lunch.'' Well that was easy, it was almost as though he could read my mind. I shuddered at the thought of unhuman, supernatural things. Things that reminded me of _him_. I suddenly realised I was stood gawking at Olly in an extremely unpleasant way. _Oh no.  
_''Um, okay. Yeah, thanks'' I tried to smile.  
''I'll call you tomorrow Bella. See you this week Angela, it was lovely to meet you both.'' He flashed his cheeky grin at the pair of us and took off out the door. _Boy, was his smile sexy. _Angela looked at me with a curious expression on her face, she was totally on to me.  
''So, Bella.. anything different about Olly to the rest of mankind?'' She raised he eyebrows grinning from ear to ear.  
''What are you babbling on about?''  
''Oh don't play dumb, you definitely fancy him!'' She giggled. W_oah, what? Do I? No. wait, maybe. Oh dear this is bad. _I groaned.  
''Okay don't get over excited but I think I am very attracted to him. I've only just met him though, how can I possibly like him?'' I put my head in my hands.  
''Bella, I know Edward hurt you. I know he hurt you really, really bad. There isn't anything I can say or do to take that hurt away, but you are a beautiful, amazing, funny, kind-hearted, loving, sweet, charming, smart and amazing girl who deserves another chance at the love thing. I mean, sure don't force it if you're not ready, but if you want something, or someone, go for it. Don't let the past ruin your future, certainly not when involving Edward Cullen.'' she smiled reassuringly noticing that I tensed every time she said _his _name. I returned her smile, feeling kind of relieved that someone actually did know what I was feeling, and was there for me. I squeezed her into a tight hug.  
''Thankyou Ange, for being such a great friend, for leaving me alone when I wanna be alone, and being there for me when I want someone. You're truly great.'' I kissed her on the cheek and squeezed her one last time. ''I'm starving now though, let's go for some lunch now''  
''Woo finally!'' She laughed. ''Shall we go to Port Angeles?''  
''Great idea.'' I grabbed my keys and put my jacket on. ''Lets go'' I beamed. We made our way outside to the car.

**I am so so so sorry for the delay for this chapter, my internet was down so I couldn't update! Thankyou so much for being so patient. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE review, it really does help me and motivate me, also I'm not sure it's very good so need you feedback for advice and to know if it's worth carrying on with the story or not! constructive criticism welcome, just don't be too harsh on me;) Thanks so much for reading and I hope you all enjoyed the chapter!  
Lots of Loves to you all  
AmberSmith123 xo**


End file.
